♥ The beginning ♥

After several years of dating, Rickey and I married on Feb. 25, 1995. At the young ages of 20 (me) and 18 (him), we set out on this thing everyone calls "married life". Interesting concept! I, unknown to ANYONE, not even Rickey, started a journal of things. I have a horrible memory and figured this was a great way to keep track of my thoughts.

Our plans: work, do the things we wanted for about 5-6 years and have a kid or two. Those plans quickly turned into find out that I was carrying around a little miracle. The little miracle turned into TWO little miracles! Yea, TWO! After a few complications, the two little miracles turned into one. :( Within a few weeks (June 16, 1995) the one little miracle gained it's wings. Heartbroken, feeling like I was the only person to experience such a horrible feeling, I realized it just wasn't meant to be. Bless his heart, Rickey tried his best to keep me occupied. Doing this and that, running here and there and I believe it wore him out. We started acting like an old couple! LOL sitting home, watching tv and playing video games! Haha, guess that made us feel like kids again.
We had made plans again to wait a couple of years to have a little miracle and boy were we in for a surprise!
Early March 1996 I found out I was infact, pregnant again. This time, a SINGLE miracle of life. In May I started driving to Odenville to keep my brother's kids (his son and at the time his girlfriends daughter and son). 3 young kids, preparing me for a life of motherhood! Boy were they preparing me!!! Normal pregnancy, everything seemed great.
June 16, 1996 was a hard day. Very hard. I made it thru thinking how only a year had changed so many things. In away I felt like it had prepared me for things I thought I would never face. Again, I was very wrong. June 17, 1996, I drove my typical morning drive to Odenville. I headed off for my day with "my kids" and still thinking about how a year had changed things. I was much farther along in my pregnancy and feeling great. Feeling flutters and getting the "awww" feeling you have when you feel your baby moving around for the first time. It was AWESOME!!! I was loving this feeling! By the time I got there, my brother was already gone to work and his girlfriend was rushing out the door to go open the business she was running. Busy morning as normal, nothing out of the ordinary. Around 10am, (I won't give details) I started having major problems. Scared, panicing, I paged Rickey. (yes, paged Rickey, this was before cell phones) I paged over and over again 911 911 911 911. He immediately called me to hear the panic in my voice. With the help of a very dear friend Tracy, he was able to get to me rather quick. I really don't remember much, because of panic, but I do remember the 'on call' doctor saying I was a first time Mother and panic was normal and what I was experiencing was typical. WRONG AGAIN DR. HORNE! I was told to wait until 3 pm to go into the office and be seen. I, of course, didn't wait that long. Sitting at the doctors office @ 12:45 they went ahead and seen me. Questioned, or should I say interrogated, examined and whisp away to the hospital. All of the neccasary lines, tubes, monitors, etc... were attached to my already shaken body while they put me in bed and literally put my feet above my head. Head down as far as possible and feet stretched out toward the ceiling. They literally stood me on my head to let gravity "do it's thing". Gravity wasn't my friend that day. Late that night my doctor came in to explain things. Bless his heart, Dr. Summers is such a sweetie. He explained I have a condition called incompetent cervix. This condition allows my cervix to dialate do to the lack of muscle and elasticity. They will dialate rapidly when any type of pressure is pushed against them. In my case, the womb. Therefore, my womb had made it's way thru my cervix and he was going to attempt to gently push it back into place and stitch my cervix closed. The very next morning, June 18, 1996, I was taken into surgery. I remember talking to Dr. Summers while on the operating table but I do not remember anything else until I was being taken back into my room and I heard the nurse say to my Mom and Rickey, "she doesn't know yet". Immediately I knew what they were talking about. I immediately had a broken heart. They let me wake up for a bit and then explained to me what had happened. Still broken hearted and thinking to myself, "gosh, another one I won't get to hold. I think I'll give up. I can't keep doing this to myself or Rickey." Then, out of my Mom's mouth I hear, 'Melissa, they want to know if you want a funeral service or if you want to let science do research." I looked at her like she was crazy, didn't say a word. I was confused! I was wondering 'science on what'?, 'me'?, 'placenta'? I ask "what?" She said, "We want you to see her before making a decision." I remember opening my eyes a little wider and saying "her? yes I want to see her!". The sweetest nurse God has ever put on this earth, Mrs. Betty Little, came walking into my room, handed me this beautiful angelic faced beauty that was ours. Only ours briefly here on earth, but she was ours! The 7.8 ounce, 9 inch long little girl we named Jennifer Lee Tucker. Jennifer, after this sweet little girl that actually talked me into giving Rickey at least one date! Lee, after my Mom's middle name. She was nothing short of an angel. Sweet little face! I unwrapped all of the blankets from her to see my baby. To my amazement, she had on the most beautiful dress and bonnet that I had ever seen. It looked like an overside babydoll bonnet on her small head and the dress was a little big, but the size of clothes didn't matter. I was holding her!!!  She was bald as bald could be! Long precious fingers that reminded me of MawMaw Tucker's fingers. The sweetest of all feet that any child could have. She was perfect! As we all held her, loved on her and had our few moments with her, I was still in shock. Then I was ask, "have you made your mind up? do you want a funeral service or...". I didn't let Mom finish, I was looking at Rickey, "call the funeral home, I want her buried, not for science." Within 3 hours of having a real life angel, I was sitting next to a man that was there to pick up my daughter and start arrangements for her funeral service. That friends, is hard for any person, let alone a Mother that has just given birth to a premature baby that was wanted so badly to fill a home with love and laughter. June 18th will forever be a dreary day in my life!  Even though I know she is safe, having a great time without me, my heart still aches for her. Easier with time? Yes. Has the hurt ever went away? No. Never will
Released from the hospital, I went home and started writing her a letter. A letter that everyone else would soon hear.

June 21, 1996
This day is a bright sunny, extremely hot Alabama day. The worse day of my life. A day me or my family will never forget. The day we laid to rest our sweet Jennifer!
Bro. Lloyd Thomas and Bro. Tommy Elchols done the service that day. Both great men and both done a great job. Tommy being part of Rickey's family read the letter I wrote to Jennifer.

My Dearest Jennifer,
We never saw you walk, talk, grow up to be a lady or give yourself a child but we know you will always love us from your once beating heart. The first time we saw you, you were moving all around sucking on your little thumb. The next time we saw you, you laid perfectly still in our arms with no movement of your own. You looked like a little angel in your white dress and bonnet. It seemed like the only thing missing was your halo. If you could have had a halo, you wuould have been a picture perfect angel.
The next and final time we see our angel, it will be forever. You will always be with us, no matter what happens God gave you to us and you will always be with us.
You, Jennifer Lee Tucker are Mommy and Daddy's true guardian angel.
We will always love you very much!
Love,
Mommy